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My Blog
Saturday, 19 March 2011
Apologies / Updates
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: You're So Damn Hot
Topic: Whatever

It's been nearly 2 years since I've updated my Blog. I'm sorry about that. But between College, Facebook, & Karaoke... is it really such a shock? Colorado sucked. Except for Marty. That was cool. & Pridefest rocked. Nyccie & I had a major fight but we're all better now. Though I only *just* got back in her mom's good graces. LOL>>>.  I have a ton of homework to get caught up on. I lost my Acting assignment. Yeah, there's assignments in my Acting class. So weird. I update my main blog more often.

in case you get bored.

now, on to my sociology homework & tonight's bonfire. t2yl

Posted by chicksintuxedos at 8:35 PM EDT
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Friday, 22 May 2009
why can't you see you belong with me???
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: You Belong With Me: Taylor Swift
Topic: -Ex...Loved

Jon. I miss him like crazy. He was my superman. Ya know? anyways. i hadn't heard from him in nearly 2 years and suddenly i get a request for an online chat... wish i'd been online when he sent me that request. believe me, i would've jumped at the chance to talk to him.

i hope he writes me back though. i emailed him, twice. the first was just one line and in response to the request. the 2nd one was slightly longer and had my cell number in it.

i hope he at least reads them. ya know? cuz i still love him. and it drives me crazy since we can't be together for a number of reasons...

for starters, i have no passport to move to canada with that sucks.

plus i get sick too easily to move there anyhow. i'm going to tennessee for a while and won't be back for 3 months anyway... i'm going to college in the fall. so. this whole thing is a mess i guess.

but i do love him. a lot. and i tried to let him go but i got worried and i missed him and, truthfully, he's the only guy who made me feel loved in the first place. ya know?

so i'm gonna shut up now. since i'm sure this is really pathetic to the General Public... but yeah...

so, in case you're reading this, MUCH LOVE superman.

Posted by chicksintuxedos at 3:56 PM EDT
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Monday, 18 June 2007
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: Whatever

I hate the world.  It sucks. Guys are extremely retarded.


On to my next subject which I will be less brief about. I’m warning you now.

Tony, I’m still madly in love with him. I told him I wasn’t because I was trying to make it so that he could move on. The real reason I broke it off with him was because of the distance. Not being able to hug, hold, or talk to him was just finally too much for me.

I can’t even look at another guy w/o thinking of him and he’s the only guy I’ll ever love.

I don’t know why I’m still thinking about him like this. He’s already told me that he’ll never

Give me another chance because of how many times I’ve broken his heart.

But you know what, I don’t blame him. I am a heartless bitch without a soul at this point.


Truth is, he’s in my thoughts 24/7. And everytime I listen to the radio it reminds me of him. Especially when I hear that song that I was singing at least 7 times everyday for a month after he broke up with me.

That one just makes me wanna cry all over again. And considering how many times I actually do cry, that’s saying something. Especially since I just finished having a crying jag because I got that pain in my chest that I always get when I’m depressed over someone that I love.

I’m always going to be fucking up… forever. Since it’s the only thing I’m really good at, you know?


I’ve been listening to Taylor Swift (YES COUNTRY< Get over it!) to try and stay in a happy place and there’s only one song really that can always make me smile. It’s called “Our Song” and I can’t help but think that it’s delightfully sweet and romantic…



To top off all of this wondrous lousiness, my cousin JINKX had a total meltdown. Of course, she only managed not to hold it all in because she was drunk off of her ass. What’s funny is that her dad is the one who supplied the liquor. Mainly cuz he knew she needed to talk and  her guard is ALWAYS up. Whatever works though, right? Besides, she decided to toss all of her razors and the one that she used to shave with is now melted beyond recognition.


Man. I wish I could go to Chicago… or at least that I could talk some sense into my Tony… dammit. I gotta stop doin’ that. He isn’t “my” tony anymore. Why can’t I get that through my thick head/heart?


You know, it’s a pity I can’t write this much for my new book that I’m writing. Normally writing on my books is a good distraction. It’s a pity that it isn’t working anymore. Which bites ass so majorly.

Especially since I have to have 1 short story, 6 poems, and at least 3 pieces of jewelry finished before august for the fair. Considering that that’s the only way I’ll get any cash and that cash is the only way I can get down to Chicago in the first place, this is a huge problem.

I wish I could tell him to his FACE how much I love him. But it doesn’t matter, he’d never believe me anyways... it doesn’t matter anymore, anyway, becuz he said he was done with all of this heartbreak. And I don’t blame him either. I’m sick of all this “Ross and Racheal” shit anyways. That’s what my sis refferred to it as. She’s right, too. Which bites. Cuz I loved “Friends”, it was the bomb. So why can’t I ever get over my lapse into stupidity long enough to skip out on paris and say “I love you” to him like She did to Him??????????????

Life’s still a bitch and it probably always will be……………………


What a rainy ending to a perfect day, right?


You know what the worst thing is? I never even told him how he’s the highlight of my day or how

He gets me through everything or that he’s always taking my breath away… I wish I’d told him that. I guess he’ll never know though………


You know. With the exception of Amor and my brother, I don’t think a guy will ever love me and be capable of being happy as well. Amor is my kitten by the way. He’s the only thing right now that’s getting me through my tears. He thinks I’m dinner and a play toy all at once. It’s so cute.


You know, I can’t even play my guitar or sing anymore? I start cryin’ everytime I try. It doesn’t help that I couldn’t play the guitar that well to begin with. But I was never this bad.


He is always tellin’ me how I can’t give up on my dreams because then I’ll be just like everyone else. But just how am I supposed to stick to my dream if everytime I try to follow through with it, I burst into tears that flow more steadily than the river downtown????


He’s the only one with enough of me to break my heart but he doesn’t even know that that’s what he did back in February… problem is, I don’t know that I ever stopped being heartbroken over him. I think that’s part of why I broke it off with him……… not a big part of it, but protecting myself from that heartache all over again is definitely part of it. Not that it worked any…


There’s this song that is describing me perfectly:


“Tied Together With A Smile” by Taylor Swift.


I suggest every person who reads this goes and finds either the song or the lyrics.


Well. I have to go try and pretend to sleep without having any nightmares or crying jags.


I’m sticking in one piece because everyone is around. And that’s it.

Crying and not telling a soul,

Alanda aka SwitchBlade

Posted by chicksintuxedos at 1:42 PM EDT
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Okay. If this were heaven, the stars would be made of chocolate, the milky way would be nonfat and still taste like actual MILK… the sun would be made of cold orange juice. The planets would be made of peaches, pears, and the rings would be filled with pizza. And, most important of all, this would all be free and no one would ever fight, complain, bitch, argue, or tick everybody off.           If this were heaven, wouldn’t there be peace and not war? Hell, if this were heaven, wouldn’t we know where the kool-aid disappeared to? Seriously!I’ve been told that Earth is heaven afterwards, I’ve also been told this is hell after death. Personally, I just think we’re fucked and we should quit being so damned philosophical and get along already. Seriously, people really need to get over themselves and quit being so egocentric.

Posted by chicksintuxedos at 1:41 PM EDT
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If this were truly hell, we wouldn’t be happy with the stars because they’d be made of acid and would cause radioactive explosions of the atmosphere above us. The flowers would all make us sick and torture us, Venus flytraps would eat us and not bugs, frogs would live off of us as well, and no one would dare leave their houses.

Houses would be filled with killer dust bunnies that would eat away at our skin slowly. And our parents would never leave when they come to visit. And the aloe vera plants would make us burn even more. And everyone around you would smoke cigarettes and give you asthma attacks. Not to mention they’d purposely blow the smoke in your face.  Plus, and this is the big one, music would either not exist or it would be extremely lousy and derogatory and just plain awful.

Clearly, this isn’t hell on earth either. Though, admittedly, it can sometimes seem like it. And, lastly, get your heads out of your asses and grow up and maybe you won’t be making your lives a living hell like you seem to think.  

Posted by chicksintuxedos at 1:41 PM EDT
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Stormy Lover
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Poetry


truth be told

I’ve lost my spirit.

And as the future unfolds

I’ve began to fear it.

I can’t concentrate,

Or let go I am so afraid.

I’m full of hate,

Hate for all I’ve unmade.

I’ve lost my friends,

Who are closer than family.

My life is at an end,

And so I drink my tea.

The sky clouds over,

And the sun’s to disappear.

I dive for cover

Into the house’s rear.

The knock on my door,

It frightens me.

I fall to the floor

And I wish it’d let me be.

I take a shot of gin,

And pray it calms my nerves.

As I begin to think I’ll win,

Something clashes in and stares at my curves.

It grabs me and howls

As the rain starts its “tap,tap,tap.”

Then it starts to growl

And pulls me on its lap.

I start to scream

But it’s all in vain.

It’s all like a horrible dream.

I wonder what it hopes to attain.

Suddenly I’m on the floor

And it’s on top.

It wants me as a whore,

It wants a quick romp.

I punch and yell,

All to no avail.

My shirt’s torn off as

Buttons fly everywhere.

And it almost has

To be without a care.

It grabs my breasts

And paws at me.

It has a load of zest,

An awful load of energy.

My jeans are shredded into

A bunch of pieces.

I didn’t know what to do,

And its grip didn’t release.

It traced my panties,

Before pulling them off.

It loved that part of my anatomy,

And it really liked it rough.

I’ve lost my voice and I’m no

Longer that scared.

It started to show

Me how to turn me on… down there.

I was so pent up at

That point I threw off my own bra.

It smiled at that.

Then it licked me raw.

It ate me out and drove me wild.

Then sucked my nipple,

And I was anything but mild.

Then it fucked me ‘til I was crippled.

Then the sun came out

And he left through the door.

He left me shouting,

“NO! More, more, more!”

It came back, my

Masked prince of darkness, everytime a

A storm came on the sly.

And he leaves as the sun reclaims its day!

By Alanda McRae

Posted by chicksintuxedos at 1:36 PM EDT
Updated: Monday, 18 June 2007 1:38 PM EDT
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What the showers See
Mood:  hug me
Topic: Poetry
I don’t know where I’m going,It doesn’t matter anymore.Emotions are overflowing,What am I living for? Shedding my tears of blood,Unknown are my surroundings.Been kicked in the mudSo many times, my memory’s blurring. It’s all going so fast.I miss the days of floating.Forgotten is the past,The future’s foreboding. I feel as if I’m drowning,The speed is unbearable.The lights are shining,And Death is formidable…And do-able…Do-able… do-able… do-able.  ~09/10/2006~~*~Alanda Bernadette-Cheri McRae~*~

Posted by chicksintuxedos at 1:35 PM EDT
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Friday, 4 August 2006

Mood:  lyrical
Now Playing: Little Razorblade by The Pink Spiders
Topic: Whatever

 i love this website. it's like Teen Graffitti... it's so awesome.

i'm bored outta my skull and my music keeps freezing up on me. grr.

I've updated my sites. Added 2 pix to my photoalbum. Wrote a new poem. it's all good.

Posted by chicksintuxedos at 4:10 PM EDT
Updated: Friday, 4 August 2006 4:14 PM EDT
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